This time out, they are seeking to establish that obese people who sometimes eat at fast food restaurants are not solely responsible for their physical condition, it’s also the fault of the eating establishments for producing food that will pork you up if you eat too much of it and don’t exercise. I’m sure these lawsuets will be extended in the near future to the makers of ice cream, pastries, and candy. With these producers, it should be an easy matter for a glib lawyer/pimp to show that the tastiness of their product is deliberately enhanced in an effort to sell more of it to their pathetic victims, despite a wealth of sci- entific evidence which shows that anything tasty is psychologically addicting to a large, though numerically small, segment of society. The only good that could possibly come from such a prostituting of our legal system would be if they televised the proceedings. That should make the Jerry Springer Show look like Shakespeare in the Park

But if the Great Lawsuet Scam is successful, there are other legal actions we can look forward to in the future.

In the United States, there are no places I know of where the speed limit is above 75 mph. There may be some, but for the sake of argument let’s use 75. If a manufacturer makes a vehicle that can go faster than that, then the only rationale for that extra speed is to encourage the owner to break the law. Therefore, the company that made the of- fending vehicles should be held responsible for all damages that occur in any accident where excess speed is a factor. That legal thinking would also prevail in cases where the vehicle’s driver is charged with exceeding whatever can be shown to be the highest legal speed limit at the time. If it’s illegal to exceed 75 mph anywhere in the country in which the vehicle was sold, then why would a responsible car maker design a machine that could break that law? The driver is actually the victim here and should not be held re- sponsible for an action made possible by another party.

Humans are not aquatic animals and our ability to survive in water is very limited. Any- one venturing out of sight of land is putting themselves in a serious at-risk situation. It would therefore follow, at least from a legal perspective, that any device designed to transport humans into such a hostile environment would be a major contributing factor in any resultant tragedy. Consequently, a strong case could be made against boat manufac- turers, especially those whose products are deliberately designed for use in open water far from the safety of terra firma. It is foolish and unnecessary to venture that far from shore and anyone facilitating such dangerous activity should be held financially respon- sible. How many more must drown or be eaten by sharks before the makers of these death craft are finally held responsible for their reckless pursuit of profit?

And of course there is the obvious and legally stimulating adversity between airplanes and the law of gravity.

But the most dangerous concept involved is, of course, that a party completely unin- volved in an action can be held responsible for it, if the plaintiffs happen to have enough money to attract a swarm of lawyers. Even socalled Big Tobacco cannot reasonably be held responsible for an individual’s decision to adopt a habit that has been known for centuries to be addictive, expensive, and destructive. Much of what is seriously wrong with our country is embodied in this judicial harlotry--embodied in both the reasoning used to justify predatory legal practices and the fact that our court system has degener- ated into a theatre where such nonsense can be performed. A responsible federal gov- ernment would never allow such transparent greed and legal hypocrisy to establish itself within the justice system, let alone become the law of the land.

But, of course, the term "responsible federal government" is an oxymoron. In the con- text of Washington’s master plan for ourselves and our country, the legal precedents being established under the various lawsuets are invaluable. Being able to assign blame anywhere along a chain of events, based solely on where the greatest amount of money can be appropriated, is a valuable political tool. As was clearly demonstrated in the to- bacco lawsuit, the judiciary can be used to bypass the legislative process and create taxes through the courts rather than through Congress. The judgment against the ciga- rette companies was nothing more than a new tax, a tax disguised as a legal settlement. It is added to the cost of each pack of smokes, and then the money is paid out to the various states, which spend it however they wish. If it was truly a settlement for dam- ages, the money would have been paid by the individuals held responsible, instead of be- ing paid by the smokers themselves who were alleged to be the victims in the first place.

One important fact keeps showing up in all these different ways of perpetrating the same legal scam: None of the lawyers and politicians involved is seriously suggesting that the allegedly destructive practices be made illegal. They claim this is out of respect for the individual’s freedom to make choices, but, as always, they are lying. If these practices were abolished or forced underground, they would lose their value as sources of revenue to lawyers and politicians. And there is also the danger of setting a precedent that, for once, would not be in the interest of this great parasite class. If providing a mechanism by which stupid people can indulge their foolishness was against the law, what would hap- pen to the politicians and lawyers?

They’d be out on the corner, late at night, plying their trade beneath the streetlights.

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